So I set aside today for traffic school, and I chose Easy Comedy School for my higher traffic education. I chose ECS because I liked the sound of it. Easy comedy sounds pleasant.
But I should have realized that good comedy doesn’t come easy. Instead, this was a full day of reading your old driver’s license test book interspersed with bad comedy. But I did save the best jokes just for all of you:
#1: Two nuns were on a Sunday drive into the countryside when they ran out of gas. The only container in the car was a chamber pot that was used when youngsters were taken on picnics. The nuns went up to a nearby farmhouse and begged for enough gas to get them to the next town, a few miles away. The farmer gave them as much gas as the chamber pot could hold. Returning to the car, the nuns started to put the gas into the tank. A farmhand, not far off, looked and said, “Wow, do they have faith!”
#2: Mr. Brown, an attorney, and Dr. Jones crashed into one another on a slick street. Both were shaken up, so Mr. Brown took a small bottle of whiskey out of his glove compartment and gave Dr. Jones a drink. Thanking him, Dr. Jones said, “Why don’t you have a belt too?” “Don’t worry, I will,” the attorney answers. “Right after the highway patrol shows up!”
#3: How To Identify Where A Driver Is From: (1) One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston; (2) One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino with nonfat milk froth, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: Los Angeles; (3) Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
#4: A drunk is staggering down the street with one foot in the gutter and one foot on the curb. A cop stops him and says, “You’re drunk!” The drunk replies, “Thank God! I thought I was crippled.”
Unfortunately, these were the best jokes. Okay, I actually liked #4.
One of the more annoying, and yet ironically, helpful, aspects of ECS’s curriculum was its Security Inserts. To make sure we actually read each word, they would periodically insert a totally random phrase. We had to write these random phrases down because, in the quizzes following each section, if we missed the “security” question we had to read it all over again. Annoying, but at the same time, I grew fond of finding a phrase like, “I’m addicted to Tootsie Rolls,” tucked away in a conversation about drunk driving.
If the major intent of traffic school is to make you never want to do anything that would make you go through this again, then I can say that it accomplished its mission with me.
I am now officially reformed.
Minutes to Memories 