The Stars Align

Posted: December 3, 2009 in Family and Friends

There is an ever-present feeling of guilt that comes along with law school, sort of like a free prize with the price of admission. The feeling is always there, but it appears in heightened form during Finals Season. Recently, I located its source in the competitiveness of law school.

The way it works is that you study constantly, but when you aren’t studying, you have this nagging sense of guilt that you ought to be. This is where my revelation comes in. I think the guilt doesn’t stem from your need to know more; instead, it is this disgusting idea that you’re afraid someone else is studying and getting ahead of you. It’s a sickness, but I really think this is the way it works. Probably shouldn’t surprise in a career track based on an adversarial system.

Anyway, Finals Season kills me because the feeling is so strong. And yet, last night, having arrived at the point I wanted to be yesterday, I decided that I would take a couple hours off. Not because I needed the rest, and not because I have no room for no study, but more as a strategic thing–my next studying phase would work best with a fresh start Thursday morning.

So I make this decision and suddenly have a couple of unplanned hours, Hillary takes off for Youth Group, and Jody heads to the track to workout with her soccer-star friend, and my cell phone rings. My oldest daughter “just happened” to call me, and I spent the next hour-and-a-half having the best conversation with my wonderful daughter.

Almost seemed like it was planned. And who knows, maybe on some metaphysical level it was. All I know is that it was one of my very best nights.

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